Phillip’s Realms City ~ Guide to Two Way Streets…

April 9th, 2008 by philliptan

Hmm it’s the time of the day again when inspiration struck my mind. Questions after questions pondered me from the moment I open my eyes till I close my eyes. It has been long since I felt so fresh already. Yes, normally this happens after I get well from sick. Difference now is that my head is still spinning though. Contradicting? Yeah it’s a two way street.

I was reflecting on the past years since I started working 5 years back. Lots of fuzzy yet clear memories and experiences were written since. Flashes of truth came by and yes you’ll be surprised that choices we make today will bring us to the future we chose yesterday. Contradicting again? Yeah it’s a two way street.

Now let me list down the names of “Two-way-Streets” I’ve been to and yet, had never really pay much attention in the past few years.

Here are some 99 Streets I have been to and still hovering over:

  1. Family Street
  2. Communication Street
  3. Relationship Street
  4. Career Street
  5. Emotional Street
  6. Friendly Street
  7. Happy Street
  8. Sad Street
  9. Stressful Street
  10. Mania Street
  11. Expense Street
  12. Honest Street
  13. Glamorous Street
  14. Proud Street
  15. Cheating Street
  16. Lusts Street
  17. Heartbreak Street
  18. Stupid Street
  19. Smart-ass Street
  20. Selfish Street
  21. Shrewd Street
  22. Intelligent Street
  23. Calculative Street
  24. Big
    Spender Street

  25. Show-off Street
  26. Sleeping Street
  27. Complain Street
  28. Agreement Street
  29. Smoking Street
  30. Mobile Street
  31. Business Street
  32. U-turn Street
  33. Teaching Street
  34. Learning Street
  35. Laughing Street
  36. Crying Street
  37. Cheeky Street
  38. Busy Street
  39. Fussy Street
  40. Lost Street
  41. Depressed Street
  42. Moody Street
  43. Empty Street
  44. Desire Street
  45. Dreaming Street
  46. Cocky Street
  47. Shy Street
  48. Extrovert Street
  49. Opposition Street
  50. Racing Street
  51. Photo Street
  52. Talk-Cock Street
  53. Sweet-Talker Street
  54. Perfectionist Street
  55. Humble Street
  56. Act Dumb Street
  57. Really Dumb Street
  58. Act
    Smart Street

  59. Double Standard Street
  60. Greedy Street
  61. Ambitious Street
  62. Lost Street
  63. Want Street
  64. In-contented Street
  65. Angry Street
  66. Middle-Man Street
  67. Introvert Street
  68. Active Street
  69. Passive Street
  70. Lazy Street
  71. Roller-coaster Street
  72. Investment Street
  73. Rational Street
  74. Filial Street
  75. Irritating Street
  76. Penny Wise Street
  77. Pound Foolish Street
  78. Trust Street
  79. Betrayed Street
  80. Hatred Street
  81. Love Street
  82. Fatty Street
  83. Warded Street
  84. Secrets Street
  85. Confused Street
  86. Confident Street
  87. Charming Street
  88. Ugly Street
  89. Advisor Street
  90. Leader Street
  91. Searching Street
  92. Irresponsible Street
  93. Guilty Street
  94. Comfort Street
  95. Lonely Street
  96. Caring Street
  97. Rejection Street
  98. Acceptance Street
  99. Self-denial Street

And many more.

Phew! That’s a very long list for me. Enough streets to form a “City” already. Well, I shall call it Phillip’s Realms City (PRC). No wonder I always lose my way in life la…

Now, all these years I’ve been living in PRC without realizing how much time I have actually spent on each of these streets. Gosh! It is an eye opener to me seriously. The best part is that these are all “Two Way Streets”. No doubt.

With this, I hope I can finally draw myself a map soon. If only my GPS navigator can guide me to my next destination.

On the other hand, I think I’d better stay away from some negative streets from now on. Finger crossed.

As a normal human, I’ll still need supports from others as I found that in life, “Wah Liao” got so many “Two Way Streets” especially in PRC. So please tell me if I’m on the wrong street ya!

I want to build a bungalow for my future family. On which street do you guys suggest that I build it? Tough question leh! That’s life!

Deluded

December 4th, 2007 by philliptan

I’ve been deluded. Or is it real? Many a times, I felt great inside.. With the feelings I had in hand. Yet the shadow of insecurity haunts me at the most crucial moment. Is it bad timing or is it due to my timidity by nature? I’m not sure.

In the eyes of many, I may seem dominant and aggresive in life. Maybe even I, myself is too confident? Yes! Half of the time yes. But what about the other half that others don’t see? Sigh, only I myself know the feeling. Is the other half of myself seemed weak as I reckon?

Well, is it really so hard to figure out what is going on with our life? After all these years, I’ve learnt many lessons. Many that are learnt through the hard ways. Yet, up till today, I haven’t really master about my true self. A guardian angel of the heaven? Or rather a horrible monster in disguise? Nah.. Either one, I’m not interested.

What do I want? Who do I care for? When will my time come? How do I know? What does love mean? Why do we hate? Where is my next stop? As, I ask these questions, I had almost lost count of them.

I had much anger! I have much fears! Fear of facing my pale nemesis. Fear of facing the truth. Fear of condemns. Fear of hunger. Fear of rejections. Fear of the future. Fear of my fate. Fear of my destiny.  Fear of being hurt. Fear of the nights. Fear of fear. Only that I am not fear of having money. So please give me all your money if you are reading this! Lol.

As I have advised many in the recent years. "No matter what happens, life has to move on". Yeah. I’ve moved on from a sad past. Yet now, I’m afraid of the future. I stayed stationery for 2 years already. Time really flies. But past memories remain.

I began to understand myself more than I thought. Still, I doubt myself during the lonely nights. Is it delusion? Or is it for real? Who else understands how I feel? Sigh, not a soul that I know of.

I’ve been a Mr. good guy (self pro-claimed lah). And after a long long while, I’ve finally come to realize that I’ve been a fool all these while. A stupid moron that is so idiotic for as long as one can ever imagine.

Now that, I’ve labeled myself as BAD_boy (maybe too old for a 20++ man). I realized that, my true nature remain unchanged. I was running away from my own shadow. A shadow that I was once proud of. Shadow of my past encounters. Where will it fall on next?

I fear of the truth that lies on the road ahead of me. If only I had the courage. The courage to express myself. The courage to face fears. Perhaps I’m just being "manja". But, life could have been different.

Hmm, I shall keep my feelings within my scarred heart. Waiting for miracles to happen.

If only I have someone who understands me and cherish what I’ve done. I used to have, but that was the past that I once had. I wish I know what the future lies ahead of this bumpy road.

Run Away

April 13th, 2007 by philliptan

Hmm,

Can’t really imagine that i’m actually blogging here online… All the while, I thought only those lonely ones out there comes online… to find friends, soul mates and in search for hopes…

Yeah, thinking back perhaps this hypothesis is still valid… People comes online for one simple reason: Loneliness…

Me lonely? Sure, as usual… Especially after months of hard works and extensive travellings… Just jike anybody else… I’m tired… I need a break… and then I realized that I’ve missed out so much… I’ve missed out my family, true friends (very few, lucky to have them), and the nice sceneries around my hectic life…

Then, a loud thought emerges in my mind… Gosh… Loneliness had hit me at a time when I am most vulnerable and lerthargic… I gotta Run Away! So I told myself; "Run, Run…. Run Away!"… and guess what? Yeah! I was blasting away with my car’s stereos while driving like a pro, haunting the Malaysian highways… From Singapore to KL… at a speed double of the federal state road’s limit… It was crazy! I know! But I ran away for a brief moment… Nothing on my mind… Point blank!

Duh! I thought I managed to run away… Away from loneliness, away from a past I thought I’d gotten over, away from the shadows that follows me around wherever I go… Only to realize that loneliness strikes during the darkest hours, when we are all alone… Its speed is faster than my machine… Yeah! I thought I’ve left it behind at least a few hundred kilometres away! But I was wrong! It was there all the while… just like our souls, our shadows, our existense…

Guess that explains why some people sleeps with lights on… while some sleeps with musics on… Others simply walks in the rain for fear that others might see their tears… The most gentle elements/companions that potray our emotions…

Yeah… I wanna run away… to a far away place where loneliness does not exists… Question is "HOW?"

So, if you’ve come across that fairyland, please tell me your secrets! LOL! Cos I also want! Sharing = Caring ma! Haha!

Hmm, do cherish it and dun take things for granted! I’ve been there and also missed it once… I swear, there won’t be a second!

ps;- just a general thought in the heart of everyone out there.. not just about me ya… (please dun get me message wrong wor…)

And you bet! I’ve got an A1 for my primary school English! Muahaha!